Probably Bad News

BREAKING NEWS BULLETIN FROM THE FACILITY.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO ALL NEWS AGENCIES.
DEVELOPING STORY.

Staff members at The Facility awoke this morning to discover that not only had food service personnel failed to make fresh coffee and lay out the accustomed assortment of pastries, but that the security systems of the underground laboratory center had been seriously compromised, resulting in the grisly deaths of several employees as well as the creation in the cafeteria area of what appears to be a portal to another dimension in the time-space continuum.

“It’s a [censored] mess down there,” says Robert “Rock” Abslab, Head of Security for The Facility. “We won’t have a full body count until forensics finishes cleaning up. Right now it looks like an explosion in a [censored] ketchup factory.”

Dimensional Gate in the Cafeteria

Speaking by phone from his fortified office within the research center’s deep  maze of chambers, Dr. Quentin  Bloor, head of The Facility, stated that “while it is still too early to draw any definite conclusions about this unfortunate event, we are reasonably certain it has to do with the escape of Professor Gambrino from our medical center before dawn this morning.”

Bloor explains that Professor William Gambrino had been held at the medical center at The Facility since September 2011, where he was being treated for possible exposure to a violently hostile plasma-based entity from another dimension intent on terrestrial domination. (Access archival story by clicking HERE)

“Gambrino found this substance, this alien gel of sorts, you see,” says Bloor, “Found it in a confounded gumball machine of all places. Gambrino of course had to investigate it.” Bloor shakes his head as though saddened. “Alas, as it happened he’d found what we in the business call a ‘live specimen.’ Pity. We had hoped we could cure him, but we were fooling ourselves. One can rarely undo what has been set in motion, and I fear we have set into motion something terrible by the hubris our scientific faith.”

Bloor notes that although Gambrino, now most likely unbound of all physical and temporal

Last Known Video Image
of Professor Gambrino

constraints, is roaming free as a revenge-hungry beast from another dimension there is no cause for individuals to panic. “This is a time,” he says, "to put aside our petty differences and become alarmed as one, and pray together that all of this will just go away on its own.”

Security Head Ablslab is more forthcoming in his comments: “Sit and wait,” he snarls, “Hell no. [censored] that. We’re goin’ in, and Bloor knows it. He issued the [censored] whatever the hell he calls it [censored] paperwork directly authorizing a [censored] dimensional cross-over and engagement if necessary in spite of what he tells you Liberal media skirt-riding sissies. Don’t take that wrong.”

At this point all communication with Abslab terminated in a burst of static, presumably as he and his fantastically-armed squad of Facility Agents passed through the hideously pulsating dimensional gate to another time and space hovering obscenely in The Facility’s cafeteria.

Unlike Abslab, who is a man of action, all we can do as witnesses to this developing story is watch and wait. And hope. Hope that Abslab and his team are successful in their mission to do whatever it is they plan to accomplish, knowing that the fate of all mankind may indeed be in their hands.

FILED BY: ROY LANCE, REPORTER
LIVE VIA REMOTE WIRE
FROM THE FACILITY