Uncomfortable with your association with someone who seems incapable of expressing themselves verbally without including numerous embarrassing and hair-raising profanities?
Tired of that friend, family member, or co-worker who can't seem to make it through even the most basic of conversational situations without liberally peppering it with swear-words, vulgarities and awkward sexually-based innuendoes?
Perhaps you yourself are unable to carry on a conversation, even in the company of total strangers, without resorting to the use of societally frowned upon expletives to make your so-called point?
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| Targeted Areas Appear in Red |
Fear not, as those days are now a thing of the past, thanks to the revolutionary "LF (Language Forbearance)-Chip"™ developed by the science experts at the Nationally-Acclaimed laboratories at The Facility and distributed exclusively by their affiliates at Happy Home Products.
Based on the same electronic technology used in the V-Chip™ found in many consumer televisions, the LF-Chip™ discretely attaches itself to the major linguistic centers of the human brain, unobtrusively converting verbal profanity signals, from the audio perspective of listeners, to an inoffensive garbled buzzing sound!
But wait, there's more!
In addition to "cleaning up" verbalizations, the LF-Chip also effectively expurgates even written transcripts, causing potentially offensive words and passages to appear as the bracketed substitute of "[censored]". The LF-Chip™ can also be pre-programmed based on The Carlin Scale of Linguistic Acceptability, as well as standards set by the Motion Picture Rating System, to allow or disallow certain words or phrases.
And, thanks to the LF-Chip's™ proprietary technology, implanting the chip couldn't be easier!
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| And It's So Easy To Use! |
Simply strike the back of the recipient's skull with the patented "LF-Chip™ Delivery Tool"™ and let science do the rest! With the optional Right-Angle-Extension-Adaptor™, the procedure can even be self-administered!
After a quick and relatively painless cranial blow (a mere 3 on the 10-based Kawagari Scale of Personal Agony) the LF-Chip™ embedded in the tool's striking surface is transferred and gently works its way into the brain, allowing you to soon say goodbye to inappropriate outbursts of unnecessary* vulgarity from yourself or others once and for all!
Just listen to this testimonial from Robert "Rock" Abslab, Head of Security for The Facility, and inveterate "Potty Mouth":
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| It Really Works! |
"I was pretty [censored] skeptical at first, because it's like if I can't swear, I can't [censored] think straight. But the beauty of this [censored] gizmo is that in my mind I'm still swearing, you know? So there's no cognitive dissonance to [censored] up my train of thought like if I had to stop and self-censor by trying to come up with some word to substitute for what I'd naturally use. I don't get why certain words are such a big [censored] deal to some people, but whatever. If the LF-Chip™ helps keep me in the [censored] field kicking ass, without slowing me down mentally, what the hell, I say."
So what are you waiting for?
Order your "LF-Chip™ Delivery System" today and start enjoying the peace of mind that comes with carefully sanitized language right away!
LF-CHIP™ DELIVERY SYSTEM: $149.99.
BUY ONE, GET THE SECOND FOR JUST $89.99!
(OPTIONAL RIGHT-ANGLE-EXTENSION-ADAPTOR: $39.99)
RUSH DELIVERY: $29.99!
*In cases of extreme duress, the processors in the LF-Chip™ may malfunction and allow some external profanity leakage.
