Officials at The Facility, a science and research agency affiliated with Random Musings, announced today that an apparent attack by a hostile alien being has been successfully stopped. No civilian casualties were reported during what witnesses describe as "very relaxed combat action."
Pre-combat film footage taken by First Contact Teams from The Facility clearly shows a towering, vaguely cylindrical creature obviously not of this world, attempting to smash its way through the wall of a local barber shop.
"This time we were fortunate," says Dr. Quentin Bloor, director of The Facility. "Rather than the freakishly strong and armored alien attacker that we have come to expect, the creature was instead an ambulatory air-filled organism protected only by a layer of durable, but thin, flesh."
Bloor believes that the creature could have continued to flail away for days, perhaps even weeks or months, without causing any discernible damage to the building. However, due to what Facility researchers have termed "The Quantum Annoyance Factor," teams were rapidly dispatched to the site to eliminate this most recent threat to man's hierarchy on planet earth.
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| A New Weapon Against the Alien Scourge |
"We hit the ground with [censored] massive amounts of firepower," says Robert "Rock" Abslab, chief of security at The Facility. "Turns out we were way [censored] over-prepared. Didn't even take time to lock and load, baby. Our man Sargent Brannock over there just dropped his gun and ran up to the thing and stabbed it in the ass with a big [censored] safety pin and down it went. Nothing left but an empty pile of alien skin. It was [censored] beautiful."
"It's Standard Facility issue," said Brannock when reporters asked him why he was carrying a safety pin the size of a hunting knife. "So don't be all up in my grill about it, okay?"
Bloor cautions that while this gaseous threat to our populace's well-being has been eliminated, growing evidence indicates that further assaults on the planet by extraterrestrial and extra-dimensional adversaries are not only possible, by highly probable.
Officials at The Facility are asking citizens to remain extra-vigilant, and keep their eyes on the sky, as a watchful populace is our best defense against invasion.
