Safe, Modern, Effective!

So efficient you'll hardly know it's there!

You'll quickly become the envy of your neighborhood once you have this marvel of modern technology installed in the basement of your home!

Just imagine . . . no more awkward bending at the waist or squatting down to fiddle with the controls on one of those old-fashioned models! Once this ultra-modern product is in place, bruised knuckles and sore knees from constant manual re-calibrations will be a thing of the past.

And say goodbye to those unpleasant family arguments about whose turn it is to go downstairs to perform the exhausting series of calculations required to decrement the counter to zero on your old, inferior unit!

Annoying and embarrassing resets are no longer even an issue with this space-age device! Thanks to its advanced patented features allowing it to sense the molecular fluctuations of your home's systems, this model adapts and adjusts itself automatically! Plus, it's the only model approved  for both organic and inorganic variances!

At last, you'll be able to fall into an untroubled sleep whenever you choose knowing that the unit's sychronous retro-entabulators are working quietly in the background day and night to provide the most desirable levels of output available by law for everyone in your household.

We're so certain that you'll be delighted with this product that we're offering free delivery and set-up for the month of January. As an extra bonus, we'll even remove your old unit to be safely dismantled for disposal at our facilities.

With the End of the World predicted by the Mayan Calendar less than a year away, don't you think it's time you made an investment in the well-being of your family today? While we can't guarantee absolute safety in the event of a galactic apocalypse, we can assure you that once this product is in place, cleanup will be a breeze!

Order Yours Today!

NOW JUST $4850, while supplies last.
(Please specify square footage of home, birth dates of family members,
and religious affiliations prior to ordering so that we may determine the
model right for you.)