Chariot of Doom

. . . . Important Breaking News . . . .

It could be nothing at all . . . .

Officials at The Facility, a division of Random Musings, issued an urgent news statement today regarding "an object of concern" found in a local grocery store.

The object, which is described as what appears to be a sleigh devouring a hapless elf, has investigators looking into the possibility that the elf's oversized feet and legs may in fact disguise the multiple heads of a vicious alien in its larval stage, while the sled itself could conceal its developing body and wings.

"It's quite possible that we're looking at just another example of inexplicable holiday decor," says Dr. Quentin Bloor, director of The Facility, "but one can never be too careful about such things . . . especially given the rise in UFO sightings of late. In the interest of public safety, we've taken the precaution of dispatching a team of our best investigators to the scene ."

Robert "Rock" Abslab, security chief at The Facility, is prepared for whatever his expeditionary team may find.

. . . or it could be a multi-headed alien death machine.

"Yeah, we're bringing some serious [censored] firepower to the game," says Abslab, patting the stock of his custom-made Ruger™ assault rifle. "On full auto, this baby spits out 750 armor-piercing rounds per [censored] minute, and this bad boy under the barrel? [Censored] grenade launcher. Nice, huh? Hank over there is packing the flamethrower. In this business it pays to be prepared, because you never know what kind of crazy [censored] you might come up against. Am I right, or am I [censored] right?"

Field explorer, Rand MacGreggor, supports Abslab's level of preparedness, noting that as the collapse of civilization predicted by the end of the Mayan calendar on December 23, 2012, approaches, incidences of the unexplained being reported to The Facility have reached record highs.

"We're investigating everything that shows up on our radar at this point," says MacGreggor. "We've already neutralized several attempts by lifeforms not of this earth to infiltrate humanity this year, and if it hadn't been for Rock's tactical expertise it's likely that by now we would no longer be the dominant species."

Dr. Bloor states that lifeforms of extraterrestrial, as well as extradimensional, origin have become increasingly crafty in their methods of disguise as they continue their relentless attempts to invade our world. As an example he sites a similar case, where what at first appeared to be an over-sized Thanksgiving "Horn of Plenty" decoration indeed proved to be an egg-sac for a particularly unpleasant species of alien.

Don't hesitate to call in disturbing reports

"Most humans go about their lives as though wearing blinders," says Bloor. "In this state of tunnel-vision the average person is largely oblivious to the appearance of even the most bizarre of objects, and sadly to the great beauty as well, in the world around them. The aliens are well aware of this flaw in our makeup as human beings, and they are exploiting it to the fullest."

Pending resolution of what has been code named "Operation Slay-Ride" Dr. Bloor is encouraging locals to continue their normal activities, but be prepared to seek cover immediately upon hearing machine gun fire and explosions in their vicinity.

The Facility is also asking that citizens across the planet be extra vigilant this holiday season, and report any suspicious activity in the sky. Consumers should also report the appearance of any unusually large, oddly-shaped, and incongruous ornaments and decorations.