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| A bounty of happiness, or a feast of horror? |
The overnight appearance of an unusual object at a local grocery store of what at first look appears to be a festive Cornucopia, or "Horn of Plenty," holiday adornment may in fact be an alien birthing pod.
A team of scientists and heavily-armed personnel from The Facility, a research center affiliated with Random Musings, is on its way now to investigate the mysterious and potentially hazardous artifact.
"It's the size of the thing which alarms us," says Dr. Quentin Bloor, director of The Facility. "We're hoping it turns out to be nothing more than a harmless and grotesquely oversized decoration for the holiday season. But if it indeed proves to be another birth pod, we have the proper paperwork which, if necessary, permits us to quarantine the area and neutralize with extreme prejudice any potential threat to the well-being of the populace as a whole."
Robert "Rock" Abslab, head of security for The Facility, is guardedly professional about what they may find at the scene.
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"We've seen this kind of (censored) thing before," Abslab says. "Small-town store, big (censored) weird decoration shows up, nobody gives it a second thought. No one asks, '
who the (censored)
put that
up?' They just figure the boss probably set it up after hours or something and forget about it. Nobody (censored) questions anything, and the next thing you know we gotta drop a
fuel-air bomb on a whole (censored) town to clear out a hive of face-eating E.T.'s from the Omega Centauri galaxy before they can spread to the rest of the planet."
After calming down, Abslab conceded that the object could turn out to be just "some Godawful decoration someone's wife made in her craft class for Thanksgiving," adding that what he's thankful for this year is that one of The Facility's roving field agents happened to go into the store to buy coffee and called the object in "before the (censored) thing busted open and spewed an alien freakshow of death on unsuspecting shoppers."
Dr. Bloor is advising citizens to remain calm and not go shopping until the situation can be professionally assessed.
