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| Goodbye, Old Friend |
Men, I know this won't be easy to hear, but if your underwear have reached this state of disrepair the time has come to discard them and move on.
It's time to be honest with ourselves and admit that at this point they're no longer even comfortable. This once favored friend has turned foe in its old age, and has taken riding up on us to new levels – sometimes even all the way up to our armpits if we're not vigilant.
Throw them out, and throw them out now.
Stop telling yourself that you could save them to use as a cleaning rag in the garage. No. Stop clinging. It's not manly, and you're just postponing the inevitable.
If you're really having trouble letting go, take a pair of scissors* and sever the band. Not only will this symbolically mark their passage to The Great Underwear Drawer in the Sky, but will also render them completely unwearable and prevent you from putting them on just once more "for old time's sake" before getting rid of them for good.
And then the emotional healing can begin.
Next time: "How to Buy New Underwear for Yourself."
*If you're married, as a safety precaution I strongly recommend not using your wife's kitchen shears for cutting up your old underwear. Trust me, this will not be viewed favorably.
